Chad Tim Tim Anatomy

Chad Tim Tim Anatomy

Boner Jam

I kept getting hot pockets on the top of my foot from skating. It kept getting worse to the point where I’d get a hot pocket from just walking. Finally, I went to the chiropractor, got some X-rays and found out I had a bone that was out of place, stopping my foot’s ability to point north.

Hubba Capped

I wrote about this in a Road Weary (Feb, ’07) a couple issues back, but here it is again: Skating a hubba in Slovenia in front of a hospital. Well, I ended up slamming straight to my knee from 11 stairs up. It put a golf ball-size hole in my knee cap. When I was in the ER it was straight WWI style, like we were in the trenches or something. The doctor wanted to make sure that I didn’t tear my ligaments, so they did minor surgery with no anesthesia—just straight raw! I got to see what my ligaments looked like and what happens when someone pokes at them with a knife. It was fun and the knee is solid.

Rolled Ankle

Lost count.

Chomp on This

I’m not proud of it, but the only fight I’ve been in was at a restaurant I used to work at called Captain Jack’s. It was a busy night, and one of the cooks in the kitchen liked to roughhouse with the busboys. For some reason, this one cook kept cheap-shotting me in the ribs while I was carrying all these plates. About the third time, he hit me so hard in the ribs that I had to drop the plates. He basically crossed the line. So I got in his face and asked him if he wanted to take it outside. He replied, “No, my friend,” but as I turned my back to walk away I saw this fist swinging around my right shoulder and it landed across my nose, splitting it in two! Oh, it was on after that. We slugged it out back and forth until I landed a shot to his mouth, splitting his lip and knocking out his front tooth. The fight ended, and I remember one of the busboys asking me, “What’s on your knuckle?” Yeah, it was a tooth. I woke up the next morning to find my left hand swollen to the size of a boxing glove. Little did I know the human mouth contains five times as much bacteria than, say, a cat or dog carries. I spent the next three days in the hospital. I couldn’t touch my fingertips with my thumb for about two months.

Vanilla Ice Brow

I thought it would be smart to skate a chain with a head-high drop on the other side. I was trying something and got tangled up in the chain and fell face-first to the cement. I woke up to a bad headache and eight stitches right above my eyebrow.

Disc Jockey

I was skating a flat gap that I’d skated before. As I was in the air, I realized a little too late that I was going too slow. I stretched with my feet together like a pencil to make it to the other side. I stiff-legged the landing and absorbed all the pressure in my lower back, pinching a disc. You don’t want to mess around when it comes to your back. If the doctor says it’s fine, get a second opinion. Thank you to everyone at OrthoSport.

Turf Toe

Turf toe, more properly known as a metatarsal phalangeal joint sprain, is an injury to the joint and connective tissue between the foot and one of the toes, usually the big toe. Turf toe is named for the injury associated with playing sports on rigid surfaces such as artificial turf and is fairly common among professional American football players. Every morning I wake up with a stiff toe.

Bone Crusher

My very first skateboarding injury. I was 3 years old and was using my brother’s board. I hit a rock, fell face-first and smacked my chin. My board rolled over my pinky without me on it and it still broke the bone.

Cankles

I’ve lost count how many times I’ve rolled this ankle too. “He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” —Isaiah 53:5